it is the time of the blog following where i tell you i am weak and i need someone to make me strong. what is wrong you ask? where do i begin? here are the top three...well i guess four.
2. house hunting
3. understanding what marriage actually means
4. The Wedding
i couldn't be getting better experience at work. i'm practically drinking it up. attempting to soak it all in and learn while frantically making sure everyone assumes i've done it all before. needless to say... i'm exhausted. yet oddly happy at the same time. its like a sick addiction. the deeper i get in the thick the more i love it. i feel confident and powerful. the downside? when everything is calm again im tired and irritable. i'm mean to the ones i love because i'm so fussy. i'm sad because i never see my friends. i'm lonely because i never have any quality time with my fiance. when i do, we are both too tired to do anything. it really is a double edged sword.
2. house hunting.
this sort of ties into "what marriage actually means" and "The Wedding," but is just tedious mostly. we found a house! i'm so excited. I love it. it is exactly what i wanted
1. large driveway
2. older home without older home problems (i.e. completely remodeled)
3. large backyard for the pook (that is what we call captain btw)
4. large patio for entertaining guests outside
clothesline in the backyard.
the real scary thing is watching the number in my bank account diminish. though, someone at work said it best, "your house is your new savings account."
3. understanding what marriage actually means.
niles and i have a problem. i'm the oldest child who always gets her way and he's the spoiled only child. textbook control issues. we have got to learn to get over this side of ourselves. control isn't what matters. though it feels so good. luckily we both do the same thing: act stubborn as hell then give in and feel bad 2 hours later. i love him so.
4. The Wedding
the event of a lifetime. i want it to be practically perfect in every way. just like marry poppins. i just don't have time nor care to invest more time in it. whatever happens will happens and the imperfections will make it all the more perfect day :) after all imperfections give you character. at the end of the day all that really matters is i am his and he is mine. always.
then we have to have babies.
thanks for helping me talk myself through this. i feel so much better already.
i am fully aware my life is great and i'm a very lucky girl. i'm forever grateful. great job, great friends, great family, great man. i'm just a bit worn thin.